Rantastic 2K3 Numero Uno One

August 12, 2003

It's been a lazy summer. I've been playing less games and enjoying the hot sun and working my ass off. My creativity is far bellow humanly possible. What's going on? I'm an award winning Digital Video Maker (now that's a story I got for you in the future and guess who it involves? SONIC!). What the fuck? Oh well, it's a slow day so let's be creative! So here's a new editorial page I'll put up every 13 months and 12 seconds... Behold! THE RANT PAGE!

You know if Ain't It Cool News can go on fuckin' mindless rampages, well shit so can I. My last rant section was the much debated NINTENDO's current suck state. This time I think I'll just babble like some dumbass Talk-Backer at the Cool site much to the love of Tyler, who I know just loves that Talk-Back section too pieces.

Gotta love him! Yep, as many a notice I am a huge Sonic fan. Got into him in my latter videogamin' years when the N64 was dyin' like a grasshopper gettin' zapped by a huge magnifing glass, spittin' out sun rays. Ya, them was the days. Anyway, love Sonic and so should you. just wait for Sonic Heros... Oh ya baby! That game will bust major caps! Big phat major caps with an attack, tackin' no smack, sippin' on slippidy stacked whacked soda packs.

Still on the topic of Sonic, anyone got some of them McD's Happy Meal toys? The big ass Sonic promotion ran June 27th to July 24th and was of course a huge sucess. The games were actualy pretty cool. Very simplistic in nature and designed for that big ole' 4 year old in ya. I thought the 2 best were the ones featured in the television ads, Sonic Racer and Knuckles Soccer. If you wanna check out an interactive flash version of the Sonic Racer then head over to SEGA.COM and their impressive Sonic site to give it a whirl. I think I gained 10 pounds eating Happy Meals and playin' mini-Sonic games. Man that Mcdonald's food sucks. Except for the little cheese burgers, them is good!

Work sucks. Realy sucks. I mean I've had bad days and weeks and shit but lately fuck... Man I love gamin', movies, books and shit. They help escape into a world of lolly pops, hot bitches and shit. Poetry blows balls. I'm sorry, in my twisted younger years I loved reading about some dude with his organs on the outside of his body talkin' about flowers and trees and hurt feelings and shit but now... fuck that. I don't get it realy. I'm into speaking in poetic non-sence like when japanese is directly translated into English. Observe...

Happy warm feeling Sonic

transpires inside outside

much chasing rings power glow

yellow intense Amy Rose love

pink hair red happiness.

Now that's poetry! Take that Steven King! I blow his poetry away! That's way better than that movie about guys in prison speaking and writing poetry, The Shawshank Redemption. Ya that was pretty good. I enjoyed Robin Williams in that one.

Terminator 3 rocked. Man It rocked hard. Great action and a bitchin' ending. Arnie rules and shit he's lookin' pretty good considering 12 fuckin' years have passed since T-2 was released. Wow! Good flick. Man it sure delivered what it set out to do.

Back to the drawing board.

Peace out.

- Kelley